It’s best to listen to the soul the first time it speaks.
It will never stop speaking—not ever—until you listen and do what it says.
The soul speaks in many languages, starting with the soft and ending with the hard.
First, it asks you, nicely, to listen to it.
Then it asks you nicely again.
If you’ve heard, but have not listened (cough: all of us, most of the time) it will ask you a third time with a much angrier voice, and that’s just the way it is when a soul has something to say to the body that drives it.
Oftentimes our soul gets to three or more before we act and soothe it. Some people die without soothing it at all, and that’s why I’m writing these words.
I was sitting on a public toilet, talking to an invisible person in my mind.
It didn’t occur to me to think it strange. It was about eight months into this new woo woo phase of my life—the one where, among other things, I seemed to be picking up some pretty wonderful advice from an invisible world that I still wasn’t entirely sure I believed in. Could it be that my guides and angels were just a figment of the wonderland that is my imagination? Well, yes. That was entirely possible, I thought.
And yet, by that point in my awakening journey, the number of psychic experiences popping up in my life had become so great that I was starting to wonder how I could still be in disbelief about it all. I’d even started to think back through the years of my life, looking at some of the daydreams of my past (visions that I can still see in my mind, that had oddly come to pass years later.) At the time, I’d passed them off as coincidence. Now…I was slowly changing my mind.
Back to the toilet then, shall we (sorry about that, ha ha ha :P) I had been leaning into the woo woo stuff at that point, really trying to learn about it and figure out how I wanted to use it in my day to day life. Here was a good opportunity to connect. My husband and I were about to go to Teppanyaki where shy me would be seated at a table with (omg) strangers, and not only that, but I’d been experiencing a bit of depression at the time. I really was a bit nervous as to how the night might go.
So I asked for help. ‘Guides,’ I thought, can you please show me/tell me something that will happen tonight that might help me?’ You have to understand that, at this point, I was still highly skeptical about the validity of my relationship with my guides, or even if the woo woo existed at all. And so, when my imagination flashed me a vision of a lady leaning into me, deep in conversation about something that seemed to be quite profound…I let it in, and then I let it go.
It was probably nothing.
With the vision, though, came a strong knowing that this lady had something very important to say to me and that I should absolutely listen and go with the flow of where the conversation was taking my thoughts and feelings. I admit I was curious.
The evening wore on and I forgot all about the vision and my silent conversation with the invisible people. The food was delicious and the wine was also wonderful…it really did seem like it was going to be a fairly nice night, and completely woo woo free. Until the cook, who was sizzling the food right there on the hot plate in front of us got out his playing cards and announced it was time to play a guessing game.
Well. What a perfect opportunity to test out my guides, hey? Surely they’d be able to give me the correct answers if the woo woo stuff really was real? And so, I did what I do. I asked them for an answer. As the cook shuffled the cards, he asked the lady beside me to think about what number she thought he was about to reveal. She ummed and ahh-ed and laughed and smiled. Number 3 flashed into my mind.
I can’t remember the number the lady chose. All I remember was the shock that surged through my body when the cook turned the card around. It was number 3. What a coincidence. Next guess belonged to the ladies’ husband, and again I asked my invisible people for the answer. 6, they flashed at me.
And 6 it was.
This happened one more time, and once again my ‘guess’ was correct. By now, I was almost bursting with what on earth is happening to me! to the point where I turned to the lady beside me and confessed. ‘Oh, my goodness. You’re not going to believe this.’
It was what happened next that I will never—not for my entire life long—forget. Thelady leaned into me, just like in the vision. And with a very serious face she said: ‘As soon as you walked in the door, I knew there was something about you. You had a glow that no one else had. I’m a little bit psychic too, so, yes. That’s how I was able to see.’
I nearly fell-off-my-chair. The vision had come true, which essentially told me that my guides had listened to my question and given me the answer, just as I had asked them to. Not only that, but the universe just so happened to sit me at a table with a lady who could help move me forward on my journey. I mean, guys. How could I not believe after all of this?
What followed was a profound conversation between me and my new woo woo friend about the nature of the universe, about my worries of how to fit the woo woo into a life I’d already made sense of. This new ability (or at least the sudden awareness of an old one) changed everything for me, and I really wasn’t at all sure about how to integrate it all. She told me she didn’t use her abilities as a job: they just were, and she just accepted them as a part of her life. I’m starting to think maybe that was the very message I was meant to take away from the conversation.
Acceptance seems to be what I’ve struggled with the most on this awakening journey. Learning to trust that what is happening in my life is happening for a very specific reason, whether I know what that reason is, or not.
I’ve not communicated directly with my guides much at all since then because, honestly, I’ve been SO afraid. This new truth of mine just gives the world another reason to make me feel as though I don’t quite fit in: and that is something I’ve struggled with my whole life. But with the upheaval of this whole ‘awakening’ has come a profound anchor into an inner strength I’ve never known. That’s why I’m slowly starting to accept everything that is, and speak openly and honestly about it all, no matter how it frightens me. It’s okay if people judge. I accept myself, and that is all that really matters.
Not only that—I’m finally starting to love myself.
I couldn’t tell you how old I was. Seven or eight, maybe. However old I was, though, I was old enough to know what I believed. And what I absolutely did not believe was that my Mum had been killed by Jack the Ripper in a past life, like her meditation session had seemingly ‘revealed’. Ridiculous. Impossible. Absurd.
But I’ll get back to Jack a little later, shall I?
First: some background.
As I’ve mentioned in some of my earlier posts, I was a highly sensitive child. A soft little muffin, and a deep one at that. But what I also seemed to be was an ‘old soul’, and none of the adults in my life ever were quite able to explain how that part of me came about.
The ‘old soul-ness’ kept popping up all the way through my teenage years and manifested in all sorts of different ways. Perhaps one of the most profound came in the form of a monologue I performed in the year eleven drama class play. It was the science teacher who mentioned it. He said—in fact, his whole entire body said— it was surely impossible for a sixteen-year-old to really know the feeling of ‘glass grinding in my spirit.’
‘How did you know?’ he asked, his eyes far more serious now than they had been when he explained to me that a Bunsen burner works best when it’s actually switched on.
‘Umm. I’m not sure,’ I said, slightly alarmed by the intensity of his usually playful eyes. It was an odd thing, I agreed, and honestly, I didn’t know where the depth of my performance had come from. But after seeing those eyes of his change so drastically…part of me wondered.
And part of me has wondered ever since.
So let’s get back to Jack then, shall we, and how he very rudely slaughtered my Mother once upon a lifetime’s past. Because it sounds bloody ridiculous, doesn’t it? Sounds impossible and absolutely, entirely absurd.
Well…yes. It does.
But I have to tell you, I’m not so sure anymore. As a matter of fact, I have been very seriously rethinking the nature of just about everything in this old universe of ours. And I’m thinking, now, that maybe—just very slightly maybe—my Mum might have been right about Jack.
What if the unexplainable really could be explained by remembering further back in time? What if the uncanny childhood wisdom that so many young children seem to possess, actually does come from someplace they have actually been before? Like…another life, perhaps?
(Hello, you lot. 🙂 I just wanted to take a moment to break the fourth wall and say: I’ve so adored meeting you all here, every day in May. You are one of my happiest reasons. Thanks for being such a lovely part of this perfect new day. xx Brooke)