Life

Emerging From The Black Hole

It appears that I’m back from the black hole of everybody get the hell away from me, I’m having an actual meltdown. Thank goodness for that, too, because it kind of sucked being in mega cranky land for all those days of black. It felt a little like I was in a dark room and couldn’t see a thing.

Stress is such a bugger, isn’t it? It has a way of stopping a person in their tracks, just as things seem to be getting better. I have a couple of interesting (cough: just plain odd) ways of looking at stress and the way it sits energetically in my system, so I thought while it’s on my mind—while I’m so fresh from this black hole—I might share them with you guys.

I suppose it’s all linked to that dark room I referred to earlier. Stress makes it hard to see clearly what is in front of me, and, if I’m going through a bit of a tough time and my energy system is already overloaded with all the painful nonsense…there really is no room for any of the good stuff to move on in.

Late last week, the beautiful counsellor I’d been seeing asked me where I see my life heading over the next little while, and I honestly could not answer her. So I put my predicament to her in woo-woo terms.

‘I’m having a vision of a brick wall,’ I said to her. ‘I know there is something behind this wall, but I can’t see what it is yet because there are too many blocks of stress that make up the wall. In this vision, I’m seeing myself taking down one brick at a time, and as I do, slowly the thing behind the wall (my future) is becoming clear.’ I really liked that idea of a wall of stress being made up of the individual stresses I am currently facing, because it made me see that if I pick off just one brick at a time, I will end up with a clearer picture in the end.

The other way I’ve been dealing with stress, lately— now that I can’t help but think of things in terms of energy— is by visualising the stress in my body as black smoke. It seems to me that the more stress (energetic bombardment) I have in my life, the thicker that cloud of muddy black in and around me is likely to be. Who could possibly see clearly through such a dense fog of black? Not me, that’s for shiz.

When I’m trying to clear my own energy of all the icky stuff, I’ll often visualise a trail of black smoke leaving my body as I breathe deeply, and I’ll keep visualising that very same image until all the black is gone.

This was how I got the Soft Girl to come back to me the other day. I sat on the grass and did all the breathing, getting rid of all the black energetic smoke, and voila! A few hours later, there she was. My beloved Soft Girl. Interestingly, my physical body also felt lighter once all the black stuff was gone, too— and that makes me feel as though there really is something to the saying: ‘stress is weighing me down.’

Anyhow, that’s all very woo woo, I know, but there’s no denying the clarity I feel after a good meditation session where I take enough time to rid myself of the energetic black stuff that makes up my stress blocks. Even though it’s kind of an odd way of looking at things, I thought it might be nice to share with those of you who are open to alternative methods of stress relief.

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Life

What Does The Soul Say?

It’s best to listen to the soul the first time it speaks.

It will never stop speaking—not ever—until you listen and do what it says.

The soul speaks in many languages, starting with the soft and ending with the hard.

First, it asks you, nicely, to listen to it.

Then it asks you nicely again.

If you’ve heard, but have not listened (cough: all of us, most of the time) it will ask you a third time with a much angrier voice, and that’s just the way it is when a soul has something to say to the body that drives it.

Oftentimes our soul gets to three or more before we act and soothe it. Some people die without soothing it at all, and that’s why I’m writing these words.

Because sometimes we all need a reminder.

Listen to your soul.

Give it what it needs.

xx Brooke

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Spiritual Awakening

Just The Way That I Am

I was sitting on a public toilet, talking to an invisible person in my mind.

It didn’t occur to me to think it strange. It was about eight months into this new woo woo phase of my life—the one where, among other things, I seemed to be picking up some pretty wonderful advice from an invisible world that I still wasn’t entirely sure I believed in. Could it be that my guides and angels were just a figment of the wonderland that is my imagination? Well, yes. That was entirely possible, I thought.

And yet, by that point in my awakening journey, the number of psychic experiences popping up in my life had become so great that I was starting to wonder how I could still be in disbelief about it all. I’d even started to think back through the years of my life, looking at some of the daydreams of my past (visions that I can still see in my mind, that had oddly come to pass years later.) At the time, I’d passed them off as coincidence. Now…I was slowly changing my mind.

Back to the toilet then, shall we (sorry about that, ha ha ha :P) I had been leaning into the woo woo stuff at that point, really trying to learn about it and figure out how I wanted to use it in my day to day life. Here was a good opportunity to connect. My husband and I were about to go to Teppanyaki where shy me would be seated at a table with (omg) strangers, and not only that, but I’d been experiencing a bit of depression at the time. I really was a bit nervous as to how the night might go.

So I asked for help. ‘Guides,’ I thought, can you please show me/tell me something that will happen tonight that might help me?’ You have to understand that, at this point, I was still highly skeptical about the validity of my relationship with my guides, or even if the woo woo existed at all. And so, when my imagination flashed me a vision of a lady leaning into me, deep in conversation about something that seemed to be quite profound…I let it in, and then I let it go.

It was probably nothing.

With the vision, though, came a strong knowing that this lady had something very important to say to me and that I should absolutely listen and go with the flow of where the conversation was taking my thoughts and feelings. I admit I was curious.

The evening wore on and I forgot all about the vision and my silent conversation with the invisible people. The food was delicious and the wine was also wonderful…it really did seem like it was going to be a fairly nice night, and completely woo woo free. Until the cook, who was sizzling the food right there on the hot plate in front of us got out his playing cards and announced it was time to play a guessing game.

Well. What a perfect opportunity to test out my guides, hey? Surely they’d be able to give me the correct answers if the woo woo stuff really was real? And so, I did what I do. I asked them for an answer. As the cook shuffled the cards, he asked the lady beside me to think about what number she thought he was about to reveal. She ummed and ahh-ed and laughed and smiled. Number 3 flashed into my mind.

I can’t remember the number the lady chose. All I remember was the shock that surged through my body when the cook turned the card around. It was number 3. What a coincidence. Next guess belonged to the ladies’ husband, and again I asked my invisible people for the answer. 6, they flashed at me.

And 6 it was. 

This happened one more time, and once again my ‘guess’ was correct. By now, I was almost bursting with what on earth is happening to me! to the point where I turned to the lady beside me and confessed. ‘Oh, my goodness. You’re not going to believe this.’

It was what happened next that I will never—not for my entire life long—forget. The lady leaned into me, just like in the vision. And with a very serious face she said: ‘As soon as you walked in the door, I knew there was something about you. You had a glow that no one else had. I’m a little bit psychic too, so, yes. That’s how I was able to see.’

I nearly fell-off-my-chair. The vision had come true, which essentially told me that my guides had listened to my question and given me the answer, just as I had asked them to. Not only that, but the universe just so happened to sit me at a table with a lady who could help move me forward on my journey. I mean, guys. How could I not believe after all of this?

What followed was a profound conversation between me and my new woo woo friend about the nature of the universe, about my worries of how to fit the woo woo into a life I’d already made sense of. This new ability (or at least the sudden awareness of an old one) changed everything for me, and I really wasn’t at all sure about how to integrate it all. She told me she didn’t use her abilities as a job: they just were, and she just accepted them as a part of her lifeI’m starting to think maybe that was the very message I was meant to take away from the conversation.

Acceptance seems to be what I’ve struggled with the most on this awakening journey. Learning to trust that what is happening in my life is happening for a very specific reason, whether I know what that reason is, or not.

I’ve not communicated directly with my guides much at all since then because, honestly, I’ve been SO afraid.  This new truth of mine just gives the world another reason to make me feel as though I don’t quite fit in: and that is something I’ve struggled with my whole life. But with the upheaval of this whole ‘awakening’ has come a profound anchor into an inner strength I’ve never known. That’s why I’m slowly starting to accept everything that is, and speak openly and honestly about it all, no matter how it frightens me. It’s okay if people judge. I accept myself, and that is all that really matters.

Not only that—I’m finally starting to love myself.

Just the way I am.

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Life

Regeneration

I’m avoiding doing the dishes. It’s not the first time I’ve written those words on here, and it won’t be the last because I often avoid doing the dishes if I can help it. Sometimes, I can turn the experience into something beautiful, and by that I mean I put on some wonderful music and disappear into the invisible place that only I know. That’s when doing the dishes suddenly becomes the most wonderful thing ever.

I have nothing to say, and yet I felt a strong pull to connect with you all: these days, for me, that usually means that I either have something to say that someone needs to hear, or…one of you has something to say that I need to hear. I wonder which one it will be? Perhaps both.

Isn’t it beautiful how life regenerates? I’m going through a transition phase at the moment (which I’ll share more about in the coming months) and where it frightens me so terribly to be in this place…I also feel a sense of excitement and new life breathing into my world. It makes me think of my trees. How often I’ve wandered along my walking track, gazing up at the hanging bark. This shedding always seems such a natural process and one that is entirely welcomed by the tree and its natural surroundings. What does this shedding mean for that particular tree, I always wonder. It means the shedding of the old. The beginning of a new life.

Unlike trees, humans seem to resist the shedding of our old bark, don’t we, usually because we’re afraid of something (sometimes because we’re afraid of everything.) I get that. I’ve been doing it my whole life. But how I long to be a tree and let the bark fall without question, fully trusting that the new bark will grow back stronger and better than ever. And that’s where that frightening word comes into it. Trust. Trusting in the unknown means relinquishing control, and that is not an easy thing for a human being to do, especially not this human being.

But If my trees can do it, then by golly gosh, my friends— so can I.

Bring on my new bark, I say.

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Spiritual Awakening

The Epiphany

I had an epiphany yesterday, at a time where my skin was particularly susceptible to the energy of human beings that were not me. We were out as a family, enjoying the humming vibe of a dumpling festival (nom, nom, nom) and it struck me that I was running on supercharge.

As I looked around me, each person seemed so clear, alive and vulnerable. It was as if I were seeing them through a more sensitive, vibrant lense of the reality that most people know. Certainly a more sensitive lense than I have known for many years. It was, in the words of my precious little five-year-old: ‘Blow minding.’

As I stood in line at the dumpling truck—joyously waving at my husband and two little muffins, whose faces shone back at me like the brightest lights in the world— I realised that this was the way I used to live in the world, before I started living on adult autopilot. And I wondered…what on earth happened? Where did my authentic self go during all of those autopilot years, and how did my heart and soul dim quite as drastically as they did?

The epiphany that came to me as I stood in line, deciding between the Steak and cracked pepper dim-sims or the plain old beef was…I had to forget my true nature so that I could tell the difference between a life half lived, and a life lived as it authentically should be lived.

For instance…over the past ten years, I’ve had no idea that I was only half living (as in, I had no idea I was suppressing my authentic emotional self, in any way.) I was happy. I was writing and genuinely enjoying family life. I thought I was being me. Until last year, when my heart suddenly burst open again, and oh my goodness, I remember you! happened.

Yesterday’s epiphany had me wondering: if I forgot my true nature for so many years…how many others have forgotten theirs, too? How many others have ever even wondered: is this me? And is this as much of my life that I want to live?

Anyway, that’s gotten quite deep, so I’ll leave it there for today. But feel free to share in the comments if you’ve experienced a similar re-awakening in your life, because I really do think the more of us who speak up about these things…the easier it will get for the sleepy heads of tomorrow to wake up again, too. Well, I sure hope so, anyway. xx

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Life

Change

I’ve decided to surrender.

The universe has given me quite the kick up the bottom in the past year and reminded me of just exactly who I am and then some (and when I say, ‘and then some’, I mean AND THEN SOME.)

For instance, I was just out with my friend, the moon. A full moon tonight, which previously wouldn’t have phased me except now it does for reasons only known to the universe (and maybe the moon, and maybe the angels, and even aliens if you believe). Because If the moon moves entire oceans…how did it take me so long to wonder what it does to me? And when it’s at its fullest, and its energy is at its most vibrant…what then? Have you noticed how a full moon changes you? If anything, it’s made me feel a little bit cheeky, tonight. (Uh, oh. The nutter girl will be writing this blog post, it seems. :P)

Earlier today I was standing at the kitchen sink, blissing out to music, gazing at a tree over the fence…and it occurred to me just how python-like the arms of it were: thick, muscular shaped things, twisted up and around and everywhere. Again I wondered. How did I miss that? Thirty-six years of looking at things made of plastic and glass and human, that’s how.

But the most shocking thing that I’ve missed—something that makes my heart cry just to think it—is the friendship that nature makes with itself. How did I miss the wonder of the trees and how they reach for each other over pathways, their leaves meeting only centimeters apart as if to touch fingers in the most delicate of ways?

How-did-I miss-it?

I was sleeping, that’s how. I was the bear that slept a thousand winters and woke up in a whole new wonderous world, and here I am now trying to make sense of it all, trying to figure out just where and how I fit in.

So I’m deciding. I won’t be going back to sleep again— from now on I’ll be wide awake to the beauty of it all, no matter how many people think that I’m crazy for randomly loving trees so much. I’ll be deciding to live with more of my heart than ever before. I’ll be deciding to love as much as naturally flows through me, and if that means loving the stars and the moon and the sun a little more…then it’s happening. It’s happening, guys, and I couldn’t be happier about it.

Surrendering to ‘the flow of me’ means a few new things will be happening in my life, one of which you will very likely notice. I’ll be posting here as often as I feel called to post, from now on— and if that means posting more than once a day (like this) I might just do that.

Because just as the moon shines on the sea, and just as the trees go hand in hand…I write. It’s just the natural way of things.

Right. Did I hear someone say ‘cup of tea and a bickie’?

Why, yes. I think I did. xx

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Life

Once Upon A Lifetime Past

I couldn’t tell you how old I was. Seven or eight, maybe. However old I was, though, I was old enough to know what I believed. And what I absolutely did not believe was that my Mum had been killed by Jack the Ripper in a past life, like her meditation session had seemingly ‘revealed’. Ridiculous. Impossible. Absurd.

But I’ll get back to Jack a little later, shall I?

First: some background.

As I’ve mentioned in some of my earlier posts, I was a highly sensitive child. A soft little muffin, and a deep one at that. But what I also seemed to be was an ‘old soul’, and none of the adults in my life ever were quite able to explain how that part of me came about.

The ‘old soul-ness’ kept popping up all the way through my teenage years and manifested in all sorts of different ways. Perhaps one of the most profound came in the form of a monologue I performed in the year eleven drama class play. It was the science teacher who mentioned it. He said—in fact, his whole entire body said— it was surely impossible for a sixteen-year-old to really know the feeling of ‘glass grinding in my spirit.’

‘How did you know?’ he asked, his eyes far more serious now than they had been when he explained to me that a Bunsen burner works best when it’s actually switched on.

‘Umm. I’m not sure,’ I said, slightly alarmed by the intensity of his usually playful eyes. It was an odd thing, I agreed, and honestly, I didn’t know where the depth of my performance had come from. But after seeing those eyes of his change so drastically…part of me wondered.

And part of me has wondered ever since.

So let’s get back to Jack then, shall we, and how he very rudely slaughtered my Mother once upon a lifetime’s past. Because it sounds bloody ridiculous, doesn’t it? Sounds impossible and absolutely, entirely absurd.

Well…yes. It does.

But I have to tell you, I’m not so sure anymore. As a matter of fact, I have been very seriously rethinking the nature of just about everything in this old universe of ours. And I’m thinking, now, that maybe—just very slightly maybe—my Mum might have been right about Jack.

What if the unexplainable really could be explained by remembering further back in time? What if the uncanny childhood wisdom that so many young children seem to possess, actually does come from someplace they have actually been before? Like…another life, perhaps?

Now wouldn’t that be something else.

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